Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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