Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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