Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
