Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
