Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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