I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
