Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize