pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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