nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
