I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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