A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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