well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
