just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
