yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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