I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
