I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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