My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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