So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
