Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
