Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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