Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
