I am in a vortex of obligation.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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