She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
did i just pee glitter
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