She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
