I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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