I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
