you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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