There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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