I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
