bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
