just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it hurts more in the daytime
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
