I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
