I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
