I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize