i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
