dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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