im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
