So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
