apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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