I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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