i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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