I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
