How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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