I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
