Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
