New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
