i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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