So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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