You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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