Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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