I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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