shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
