I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
These tits shall not be calmed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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