Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
