I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think your dad took our porno
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
