everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
