I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
