Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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