Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
