Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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