So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
