I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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