as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
