New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize