Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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