Im at strip club and am horny
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
