i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
