Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
